seriously dude, get the fuck out of here.
supermax thissuns fer you.
Cpt must know by now, that I am vacationing in Europsa this Fall. Ze tentative plans are - hang for Lombardy, watch pros ride around fat and gassed as ease into offseason. Bang hot Italian chick. Or really fat one. AMS. Ride cobbles. Eat potatoes mayonnaise and moon cake, hang w/Van Gogh. Cuddle with hot Flemish chick (check for balls). MUN/BER. 3 days of public defiling at Oktobfest. Sing dance with oopma band in lederhosen. Expose testicles and teach locals the meaning of “bull doggin”. Crop ‘stache in pubes for Himler sentiment. Avoid SS. Return home with 3-5 various stds. Glorius Basterds will provide updates unless incarcerated.
Leads into the final 1k. Doucherty takes advantage of having an extra testicle and smokes Juan Pelota for the win. Der Lance finishes a strong 2nd.
In 1886 an English cyclist is popularly reputed to have died after drinking a blend of cocaine, caffeine and strychnine, supposedly in the Bordeaux–Paris race. This was included in the 1997 International Olympic Committee study on the Historical Evolution of Doping Phenomenon, and listed as the presumed first death due to doping during a competition. The report did allow that in this period it was common practice, and not illegal. The story may be apocryphal.
“”Choppy has been firmly identified as the instigator of drug-taking in the sport [cycling] in the 19th century.””
Warburton was banned from the sport after unproven claims of massive doping in the 1896 Bordeaux–Paris. His activities may have contributed to the early deaths of Arthur Linton, Tom Linton and Jimmy Michael.
- Jimmy Michael of Wales, world cycling champion, died aged 27, en voyage to New York. The cause of death was noted as delirium tremens, probably brought on by drinking.Michael was managed by the notorious Choppy Warburton whose success was questioned, with claims that he drugged his charges. Michael was reported to have taken a potion and within a few laps collapsed on the track, picked himself up and then in a daze, set off in the wrong direction.
- Henri Pélissier, Francis Pélissier, Charles Pélissier of France. In 1924, following their abandon of the Tour de France, the first real drug scandal arose when the Pélissier brothers gave an extraordinary interview to journalist Albert Londres. They said that they used Strychnine, cocaine, chloroform, aspirin, “horse ointment” and others drugs to keep going. The story was published in ‘Le Petit Parisien’ under the title ‘Les Forçats de la Route’ (‘The Convicts of the Road’). Francis is reported as saying “In short, we run on dynamite.” Henri is reported as saying “Do you know how we keep going? Look, this is cocaine, chloroform, too. And pills? You want to see pills? Here are three boxes - We run on dynamite.”
- Fausto Coppi of Italy admitted in a television interview (date unknown) that he used ‘la Bomba’ as there was no alternative if you wanted to remain competitive. This referred to amphetamines, which had been developed for military use during World War II to keep aircrew, merchant seamen and submariners awake, alert and energetic.
- Jean Malléjac of France collapsed on Mont Ventoux during the 1955 Tour de France; it was widely attributed to drug abuse. Ten kilometres from the summit he was: “Streaming with sweat, haggard and comatose, he was zigzagging and the road wasn’t wide enough for him… He was already no longer in the real world, still less in the world of cyclists and the Tour de France.”Malléjac collapsed, falling to the ground with one foot still trapped in a pedal. The other leg pedalled on in the air
1956 Bad fish i
- Following the 14th Stage of the 1956 Tour de France, the entire Belgian team went down with a mystery illness. It was officially attributed to their having eaten ‘bad fish’ at dinner
- Gastone Nencini of Italy, was discovered by Tour de France doctor Pierre Dumas in his bedroom with plastic tubes running from each arm to a bottle of blood; retransfusion was a legal practice at the time
- Roger Rivière of France, admitted that his career ending crash in the 1960 Tour de France was probably attributable to using Palfium (Dextromoramide), a painkiller that affects reflexes and judgment, during the descent of the Col de Perjuret on Mont Aigoual.Palfium was used to deaden pain in leg muscles where it was directly injected, (sometimes while riding). It was suggested that it had so numbed Riviere’s fingers so that he couldn’t feel the brake levers.He said he had an injection of solucamphor and amphetamine before the start and swallowed several amphetamine tablets.
1962 Bad fish ii
The Wiel’s-Groene Leeuw affair. At the stage from Luchon to Carcassonne of the 1962 Tour de France, twelve riders fell ill and said ‘bad fish’ was the cause. ”I ate bad fish at the hotel last night.” Eleven other riders abandoned the Tour that day, including the former leader,Willy Schroeders, the 1960 winner Gastone Nencini and a future leader, Karl-Heinz Kunde. Jacques Goddet wrote that he suspected doping but nothing was proven - other than that none of the hotels had served fish the previous night
1964 LOL only took 70+ yr
France passed its first anti-doping law in November 1964
Performance-enhancing drugs became illegal on 1 June 1965. The first riders to be caught were three amateurs, two Spanish (Luis Santamarina) and one British, who were thrown out of the Milk Race when they tested positive for amphetamines after Professor Arnold Beckett first applied sensitive gas chromatographic techniques to monitor drug abuse
On 29 July testing began at the Tour de France. Raymond Poulidor was the first rider to be tested in the Tour at the end of a stage to Bordeaux. He said “I was strolling down the corridor in ordinary clothes when I came across two guys who asked if I was a rider. They made me go into a room, I pissed into some bottles and they closed them without sealing them. Then they took my name, my date of birth, without asking for anything to check my identity. I could have been anyone, and they could have done anything they liked with the bottles.”Next morning, on the way to the Pyrenees the riders climbed off, began walking and shouting protests.
Tom Simpson of Great Britain died of exhaustion on the slopes of Mont Ventoux during the 13th stage of the 1967 Tour de France. The post mortem found that he had taken amphetamines and alcohol, a diuretic combination which proved fatal when combined with the hot conditions, the notoriously hard climb of the Ventoux and a pre-existing stomach complaint. Investigators discovered more drugs in his hotel room at Sèteand the pockets of his jersey
- Eddy Merckx of Belgium tested positive for the stimulant Reactivan at Savona during the 1969 Giro d’Italia, after leading the race through 16 stages. Merckx was found positive at doping control and expelled from the Giro. Merckx steadfastly denied the charges.
Erik de Vlaeminck of Belgium, never failed a drugs test in his racing career, but he was treated after it for amphetamine addiction at a psychiatric institute. Many stories circulate about his supposed wild behaviour after races and after his career was over and when he returned to racing, the Belgian federation would offer him a licence for only a day at a time until it saw how his life would progress. He refuses to speak of this period of his life
1976 Piss bag i
- Rachel Dard of France was reported to have raced across France to avoid a positive dope finding and then ended up in a row which exposed organised drug-taking in cycling in the 1970s.Dard and a team-mate, Bourreau, were caught trying to defraud the doping control with a condom of untainted urine in their shorts to give the impression they were urinating.
The Belgian doctor, Professor Michel Debackere, perfected a test for pémoline, an amphetamine-like drug, and caught three of the biggest names in Belgium: Eddy Merckx, Freddy Maertens and Michel Pollentier.
1978 Piss bag ii & Roids
- Michel Pollentier of Belgium was caught trying to cheat the drugs control with someone else’s urine in a rubber bulb in his shorts after victory at L’Alpe d’Huez. He was ejected from the Tour. Ironically his own urine tested negative.
- Antoine Gutierrez of Spain caused doctor Le Calvez to be suspicious during a test, thus raising his jersey to reveal a system of tubes and a bottle of urine
- Gilbert Glaus of Switzerland, the World Amateur Champion, tested positive for steroids.
- Jean-Luc van den Broucke of Belgium confessed that “In the Tour de France, I took steroids. That is not a stimulant, just a strengthener.
tbc - suprmax
now there aint nuthin better than a mesquite grilled kobe burger with fresh roasted new mexico chilis
1. that takes kobe fuggin beef which is sum expensive shit
2. it takes livin in new fuggin mexico which all but precludes the fuggin kinda income necessary to satisfypoint number fuggin one
which leaves us fuggin where?
at the fuggin drive thru window
orderin a double double animal style
the rest uf us are content
2011 Glorious Bastard of the year - Captain Teabag.